SELECTED UNPUBLISHED BLOG POSTS OF A MEXICAN PANDA EXPRESS EMPLOYEE

                Hello Muumuu House,

I would like a copy of the aforementioned book for review purposes only. While I have no actual right to do so I will do so anyway. Either way I have nothing to lose by asking you. Failure to send one to me will result in no ill-will or negative consequences for you whatsoever as I am powerless and survive off of low-calorie food. Kudos on all of your success whoever the recipient of this email may be!

Regards,

Beach Sloth

                Megan Boyle’s book followed quickly after this email was sent. Whoever sent it to me is much more productive than I am. Normally I don’t move that fast. Once I got it I read it immediately, going over it piece by piece. Though I move slowly; I read quickly.

               I judged this book by its cover. The cover features some thoughtful-looking woman staring in front of her, probably at some glorious future, made me want to become a better sloth. Or she could be sleeping while standing up since her eyes are closed. Honestly, I’m not sure. Reading it though I realize I’m around average in terms of social anxiety. Perhaps I’m slightly more anxious than the character was during the creation of this cultural artifact, this testament to our times. 

                Parts of this book were surprisingly real to me. Right now I’m in Baltimore. Her posts take place in this allegedly ‘charming’ city. Oddly, her experience, as frustrating as it was, made me long for her cool set of friends. Down here I’ve found nearly no one with my same interests. Nay, I’ve found those boring tools who listen to Dave Matthews, who look like bros, and who are some of the least engaging people I’ve found on the entire planet. It is the rare moment that I see anything approximating a ‘cool kid’ on these streets, and when I do, I nearly want to hug the person, to say ‘thank god you exist’. 

                The book is funny. A few times it caught me completely off guard. Megan’s wit is sharp. I’m not an easy laugh. I’m not the sort of person who laughs uncontrollably at the sight of their own belly button lint. Putting it bluntly, let me quote Tristan Tzara “It is not for the sawed-off imps who still worship their navels.” You should pay close attention to the word choice and exact delivery. Getting humorous delivery down in the written word isn’t easy but Ms. Boyle excels at it.

                Relate-able moments are everywhere. You may be familiar with some of this, it is available on her sweet-ass blog, on various Thought Catalog articles, or any kind of conversation you may or may not have had with her. Seeing her comments about Bloggers were pretty close to home, I literally squirmed uncomfortably in my chair, knowing that the entire sentence basically summarized the slight embarrassment associated with blogging. At least that’s been my experience. 

                Upon finishing this book, I felt better. Reading it was like talking through my problems with an old friend. They are there, I know their quirks, they tell me about their experience, and we drink, we drink a whole lot. Megan’s approach to writing is easy, natural, and surprisingly universal. Muumuu House did a great job setting this upon the unsuspecting public. 

                It’s out on November 15^th, 2011, a Tuesday. Go here.