I got Interviewed by Plain Wrap

beach sloth, blogger, beach sloth, and human wannabe, lets plain wrap get to know him better. this is the forty-sixth installment of plain wrap’s interview series in which plain wrap interviews all its facebook friends. thank you, beach sloth.

1. Tell us about yourself?

1. I’m simply a sloth writing lengthy blog posts on the internet. Originally my idea for starting the blog came after I sent music reviews to people in the hopes of getting my name in big shiny letters on the internet. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I could start my own blog and cut out the middleman.

My interest in literature came about from the interesting things writers like Steve Roggenbuck, Poncho Peligroso, and Tao Lin were doing on the internet, actively interacting with their audiences. Before I discovered them I read quite a bit but I hadn’t explored poetry at all. All of them helped ‘ease’ me into poetry and showed me it can have popular appeal, rather than collecting dust on someone’s bookshelf.

2. Have you read any good books lately?

2. What a loaded question! I read a lot of books. I’d love to answer this question, but honestly there are way too many people I could namedrop here. And despite the amount of name-dropping and due diligence on my part, there would still be people I forgot.

Suffice it to say I’ve been digging a lot of stuff lately. Towards the end of the year there tends to be an influx of things to read, followed by a quiet winter to mull over everything. I’m pretty happy with the quality of things you can find on the internet. Writing on the internet gives me the perception that we’re all living in the same city, just different geographical locations.

3. Why did you leave your last job?

3. Uh, I perfected the art of Google image search, so my job was basically over. Besides Google image search (which I use quite liberally) I figured out how to fax and scan things. I went to many Christmas parties and learned how to pretend to be interested in what old, boring rich people said. At work I mastered finding free food for conferences and avoiding having to bring/pay for lunch most of the time.

Sometimes I’d even work, but that was rare. Everything I wanted to accomplish at my old job I accomplished so I felt no obligation to stay there. Years passed and eventually people caught on to the fact that I was somewhat intelligent but bored. I had to leave before they realized how smart and bored I was. Glad they never figured it out.

4. What have you done to improve your knowledge in the last year?

4. Currently I’m in Grad School for blogging. I realized it was time to turn my blog into money, kind of like Rumpelstiltskin spun hay into gold. Thus I dove headfirst into what’s a fairly math-intensive program. Math is a serious weakness I have, so I’m glad I’m being subjected to it, however much I protest.

Besides that I’m busy studying the habits of humans. I want to become a human someday. Pinocchio did it, and Pinocchio was some stupid piece of wood carved up to look nice. I’m a sloth; I’m already a living thing. To me, making the jump from sloth to human doesn’t seem as far-fetched as that pugnacious puppet’s desire.

5. Tell us about the most fun you have had in life?

5. The most fun I ever had in life was at an amusement park in Riverhead called “Splish-Splash”. I love that place. You drive forever and there’s this park, in the middle of nowhere. “Splish-Splash” is a pretty inspiring sight to see after passing by so much nothing.

At Splish-Splash there are all these cool rides, a wave pool, and a ton of junk candy. Next to the wave pool is a giant tower of a side. I can’t remember the name of it; it probably has some unbelievably simple name like ‘Super Slide’ or something. I love that slide. Literally it is one of the best things I’ve traveled down. Most kids didn’t even bother climbing the ridiculous amount of stairs to get to the top. Each set of stairs would deter another child from growing. Once you got to the top you’d realize how short the line was and how scared most people are. When I slid down it was one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve ever had. That giddy feeling in my stomach may have been the first time I remember thinking ‘this is awesome’. I have gotten that feeling a few times since then, but that may have literally ‘set the bar’ for my life.

And it was such a simple pleasure, that’s the best part.

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