If that’s moving up then I’m moving out – Steve Roggenbuck

                Steve Roggenbuck is embarking on an adventure. This adventure will take him to never before visited places, places as Grenada, Manchester, Montreal, and exotic Ohio. On this adventure Steve will spread poetry seeds, much like Johnny Appleseed did. Unlike Johnny Appleseed though, there will be no one eradicating apples upon the blossoming of the poetry trees. Since I understand what the apples went through during that dark time, I eat bananas. Bananas are total bastards. 

                You may be familiar with Steve’s IRL Poetry Tour he conducted last summer. Well, this spring prepare yourselves for IRL Lifestyle Rebrand Tour. In this tour Steve will take up the position of a wandering bard, celebrating the ancient tradition of oral literature. From what could be your house he’ll scream at the top of his lungs about dubstep, about wubstep, and most important luvstep, where the two of you will hug each other out of a deep appreciation of the English language! That is as excellent as it sounds. 

                 All of this and more shall come forth from Steve’s magical mystery tour. Now that Steve has left the ivory tower he’s running on poetry power, nourished only by his love of the language. I’d say Steve always had this power, this appetite for excellence; he simply needed to leave school to truly find it. Once he learned the true meaning of an MFA he quoted the great poet Billy Joel and stated “If that’s moving up then I’m moving out” in an epic 2,000 line flarf poem which the faculty will never forget. Steve’s departure flarf poem may be the ‘Ulysses’ of all of flarfdom and its entire “Feel like new. Feel like you. Mariah Carey did it, you can too! "Like" Jenny Craig today. Jenny-Set-Go!” is sure to inspire countless aspiring flarfists. 

                Support Steve as he wanders around this big old world of ours. Steve needs very little. To get his mind moving he needs to travel across the country, finding friends, transforming online to IRL. Let him do this to you. Don’t let fear get in the way. Embrace Steve in your home today. Once you do you’ll get to witness IRL all he has to say. As a bonus he shall buy his own food. 

                The internet city Steve Roggenbuck founded has responded warmly offering things like vegan collective farms, you know, everybody’s dream come true.  Everybody should get a Steve Roggenbuck in their home if only for a short time. Our alternative looks bleak: Steve goes back to rural Michigan, plays in some more melodic death metal bands, and gets sad at the lack of friends. Be a friend. Adopt a Steve Roggenbuck. Even once compared to the most adorable of creatures he far surpasses their sweetness: does a kitten write poetry? Can a dog avoid pooping on your rug? I know as a fact that Steve Roggenbuck not only writes poetry he is also housebroken. 

                Accept some Steve into your IRL today. Steve’s going fast.