Making Friends in Florida

                Today I was issued an ultimatum by one Jacob Steinberg, current resident of Florida. I read it on my Facebook wall. What it said was the following “If you attack Florida in one more blog post our friendship is over”. Memories swirled around my head, memories of speaking to Jacob via Facebook chat, via Gchat, via Tinychat, via Largechat, via Chittychat, and all the other chat cats. 

                Florida, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was scared. Let me take this opportunity to apologize to Florida. Picking on this state, a state I’ve traveled to only a handful of times seems a bit unfair. Right now Florida is going through a rough period. With one of the highest foreclosure rates in the country, I’m sure the last thing it needs is some ‘major player’ (according to Frank Hinton’s Alt Lit Gossip Tumblr) in the alt lit scene mocking it. 

                Will this be enough of an apology? I may get accused of not being sincere about my apology to Florida. You know Florida isn’t such a bad place. A number of great writers currently call the place home. Some great bands come out of the state, including my favorite, Marilyn Manson, who seems like a chill bro, just hanging out, drinking blood, voting Republican. Great chillwave comes from that state which has been blessed with perpetually beautiful weather, Miami, and the Keys, a part of Florida for people so wealthy I just can’t believe it.  

                I’m thinking about going down to Florida at an unspecified point in time next year. Going down there may clear any of the ‘bad blood’ existing between us right now. This is merely an embryo of an idea, which may grow into a ‘brain egg’ which I could let hatch, but which I could also easily turn into a ‘brain omelet’ via this is my brain on blog. 

                Either way I do owe it to the state. I owe it to my true not in real life friend Jacob Steinberg, who has created a new way of boosting online literature through his Tumblr. Yeah, this shows you what to buy and where. Usually I don’t get into that whole ‘where should you get it’ deal. Guess I probably should if I want to enjoy great online literature. I will Paypal some Peeps perfectly proportionate pieces of money and feel better about myself. But something even bigger has happened on Steinberg’s site, something epic, and something which makes me want to take back everything I’ve ever said about his state of current residence.

                From now until November 27^th one may submit work to his site. With this Jacob has proven to me, an admitted septic that Florida indeed has value and worth. Jacob, please forgive me for my transgressions against your moderately decent state of Florida.