Age of Aquariums by Lilyyy Dawn

                When I first saw this, I was confused. I thought ‘Age of Aquariums’ covered some post-apocalyptic hell scape where all the interesting people had died and the survivors were boring people with pet fish. Definitely the first page gave me that ‘oh man, things are going to get dark’ vibe. Since I witnessed her first rate ustream verbal ‘smackdown’ of Mr. Roggenbuck, I didn’t think this would be a shocking outcome. But strangely, I was wrong. 

                The first page introduces a penis-nose, ball-sack chin man. She laughs at his genitalia inspired face. Whenever he asks what is so funny, she plays dumb. In the second page she offers inspiration. Those virgins who will read the poem and were born in the 90s, I’m sorry. Plus she also wants you to make her a sandwich. The sandwich is a metaphor for a sandwich. 

                Oatmeal cookies: what are they good for, absolutely nothing! Yet Lily eats them by herself. I feel eating sub-par cookies alone is bleak. Chocolate chip cookies yes, but Oatmeal cookies are the pathetic sibling of Chocolate chip cookies. New York is to chocolate chip cookies the way Oatmeal cookies are to Fargo, North Dakota. Sure, Oatmeal cookies are perfectly wholesome, with those raisins, but where would you rather want to go? 

                Masturbation comes up in detail. Lily can’t stop shaking. I guess Lily is good at masturbating. It seems like a good skill to have. From masturbation the text turns to hot devil sex. Then, out of nowhere, it goes to hand walking. Personally I don’t consider hand-walking and sex to be the same thing. Though I do admit masturbation and hand walking have a lot in common. Marriage comes up as well. After masturbation and sex, why not marriage? Since this is an alt lit person it took place on Gchat and was depressing. 

                ‘Let’s all play Mario Kart 64 instead’ does not surprise. Obviously Mario Kart 64 is the alt lit video game. I didn’t grow up with video games so I can’t understand this part. Maybe it is fun racing others in some video game but I race in real life. I beat Steve Roggenbuck in a run down the stairs race. Just ask him, I freaking dare you. 

                Food comes up. Because after sex and video games, food is probably the best thing you can do. Nobody made her a sandwich. Now Lily needs to cook for herself. It seems like the poem is gaining responsibility. Then it is threatened with violence. Finally it ends with a great scene of happiness/sadness. 

                Lily Dawn is from Ohio. She is making ustream a better place.