The Dierks Life

                Dierks wanted an ustream because he didn’t have anything to do on a Saturday night. The ustream began with an ustream tutorial. Thanks to Stephen’s work I now know how to set up my own ustream, right at home. But I can’t do it alone according to Stephen. So if I do one in the future, it will be extremely far in the future. Various chat members mocked Stephen’s comically small…

                ‘Snow White’ got read by STD. It was a Goth version of Snow White. Germans were pretty damn Goth back in the day. While it was a great reading, it paled in comparison to what happened next. No, what happened next was an ustream first. It will probably never happen again due to the extreme nature of the act. Those under 21 years of age may need to leave the room. 

                Live-disrobing took place. It happened off camera which upset a great deal of the chat. People wanted to see his comically small… But it didn’t happen. What happened instead was we shouted things at him digitally until he actually read something new. Probably the disrobing experience left Stephen Tully Dierks disorientated about his life. 

                Gabby Gabby received some attention with ‘Please Shit on my Face Sensually’. That came up first. Stephen read a few more poems from this up and coming figure in the alt lit community. Boy am I lucky that I live mere miles from her. Since I don’t have a car or any form of transportation I will probably never meet her IRL, just like every alt lit figure I don’t meet. The second piece was considerably longer, going over the anxiety of life, of relationships, and of life in general. 

                Timothy Sander has a real job. Stephen stated this and I was shocked. Normally nobody in the alt lit community is gainfully employed, excluding of course STD who works at some sweet workplace. I’m glad STD has money, a job, and housing. As he read he took large swigs from his classy microbrewery beer, Miller High Life. While Sanders’ piece received some critiques within the chat, I enjoyed it. 

                Sian Rathore is from the UK. She is a pivotal member of the English alt-lit community. I like her online presence. Her poetry ended up being quite good. I liked the great attention to detail, especially about the ‘snow cock’ and OxFam. Glad STD read her piece. 

                Another new piece came out by Jacob Steinberg. Jacob suggests the song ‘Knights’ by Crystal Castles for this piece. Since I listen to so much music in general, I think the idea of a poem with a soundtrack sounds ideal. I felt bad about the avocado in the poem. I also felt bad about the oven going to 425. Usually I have my oven go up to 450, but then I’m a freaking badass. 

                Walter Mackey needed to be read. He has had a tough week. Just with a single friend request he created an internet ‘shit storm’. His poem was pretty good. Apparently he ‘needed this’ reading to help put him back together. The poem was about some bumblebee that masturbated all the time named Hanna. I don’t want to give away the ending but it literally made me laugh for a couple of minutes. 

                ‘I got the one I won and I won another one’ by Scott Louis got read. This one showed up on Matt Margo’s blog about the dead typewriter. As Stephen read it he drank heavily, talking about Spencer’s ass hairs. I wondered where this would lead. Despite the ustream’s focus on poetry, ass crack hairs ended up being a main focus of the ustream. 

                 ‘Handjob compilation’ was the first Zachary Whalen poem. The poem focused on slut load, some porn site. Poor Zachary Whalen, he didn’t have a job and watched porn all day. Now I think he has a job hence why he doesn’t write poetry anymore. Some of his poems focused on internet porn versus the IRL relationship with his lady. 

                I demanded Stephen read some of Brittany Wallace’s work. I insisted upon it. By now Stephen had imbibed some serious liquor. People texted him a little too much and he began drinking some more. Finally he read something by Brittany Wallace on Metazen. It rocked. I enjoyed the fabrication of reality in the poem. 

                Finally it ended after Stephen told us how he hated indie rock. That hurt my sloth-filled heart. I think roughly 95% of my life is indie rock, with 5% for living my life. He took it back eventually and asked for forgiveness from the Xiu Xiu arbiters of taste. They forgave him and with that he thanked us for tuning into his little world.