Presidents’ Dates by Jovial Jellyfish and Jade Rand McNally

                Jovial Jellyfish is one happy jellyfish. He’s not like the other jellyfish. When other jellyfish sting you, Jovial Jellyfish is there to hug you and make it all better. I have seen him around before, from my beach. I admit I like those glasses. They are beyond stylish. 

                Jade Rand McNally is an indispensable member of the alt lit scene. She hangs out in Washington and works at a local radio. Yeah, so she’s like me in that regard. Few know this but she also works as an alt lit model for famous chapbooks. No one knows of her true secret: Jade Rand McNally is the heiress to the Rand McNally fortune. With all that map money she can set a course of adventure from St. Helena to Kaliningrad. 

                The two of them collaborated on this delightful little poetry YouTube video. They don’t skimp on the production values. It is crystal clear. Nor do they forget to pick the music to set the mood. Jade’s work at the local radio station solidifies an already infinitely excellent poem. Let’s begin.

                James Monroe and Millard Fillmore start it up. Lucky Millard will receive roses from James Monroe. Calvin Coolidge and Woodrow Wilson return to their pizza place. I’m happy to hear this, since Wilson seems so high strung. I like the use of Presidential folklore with Taft. That’s a nice touch. I do object to showing Polk sadly updating his OK Cupid account. The guy rocked. I think Polk is my favorite President. That guy accomplished everything he wanted in four years. Then, when people asked him to run for a second term, Polk said “I don’t give a fuck. Look at all that shit I took over. I’m a swamp-buggy badass.”

                Good old fashioned Simpson’s trivia comes into Richard Nixon’s life. Is Richard Nixon the Ralph Wiggum of presidents? Was Richard Nixon the ‘glue sniffer’ of presidents? I think so. I’m happy to see Martin Van Buren getting a bottle of champagne from Bill Clinton. Some people don’t like Martin Van Buren a lot, in fact, some say they don’t ‘give a flying fuck’ about Martin Van Buren. I am one of those people. Martin, you don’t deserve him! Warren Harding and Gerald Ford are considered to be the worst Presidents America ever had. They deserve each other. 

                William Henry Harrison lives longer in this poem than he did as a President. I feel happy knowing George Bush is in the loving embrace of William Henry Harrison. I hope Bush doesn’t cough on Harrison. That guy is pretty fragile. He needs tender loving care. Barack Obama and George W. Bush appear to ‘bury the hatchet’ and ‘drink boxed wine’. According to my vast knowledge of boxed wines, that wine is good for at least six weeks after it’s opened. 

                I feel warm inside watching this video. I am glad to see Jovial is as happy as ever. After seeing this I think both of them are probably some sort of ‘poet historians’. That seems like the most relevant thing you could possibly be. I am glad to have at least one reminder of ‘Presidents Day’ besides mattress sales.