A-Town: Steve goes down South

                Steve has made it down the A-Town, Atlanta, Georgia. It is official: Steve is a true American. Here I thought Steve lives in a flarf-friendly environment. But nope he lives in America, sends his books American, and supports the local economy wherever he is. He  boosts local sales of peanut butter, jelly, bread, and frozen peas. 

                Cameron Guthrie (of the famous Bebe Zeva Facebook thread) said hello to all of us. Blake Butler was reading. Steve walked through the weird art gallery with toilet paper hanging from the ceilings. Some cool cats were hanging out, meowing. One cat came up to Steve. Steve tried scratching the cat’s belly. But the cat was ‘fricked up’ according to Steve. It hissed at him. We watched Steve cry because of his inability to communicate with cats. 

                Blake Butler, famous alt writer written up by the New York Times, arrived. Everyone got stoked. A few people asked Blake important questions about Limp Bizkit. I asked about his beard. To me anyone writing must have a beard. Blake will shave it off tomorrow. Try to stop Blake from getting rid of this lovely face-piece. 

                A few people tried making the ustream illegal. They failed. The Po-Po took them away. We were about to learn more about each other before some ritualistic chanting began. I realized this reading took place in one of those ‘Atlanta city collectives’ I heard so much about. After everyone got settled they applauded themselves for the good work they did in showing up to their own event. 

                Some bro came up. He wore sunglasses indoors. Referring to himself as “DJ Salad Dressing” everyone remained calm. Of course they’d be quiet. Most alt lit types are usually vegans. Salad is the only joy they get in life, besides sex and alternative lifestyle. He turned on a TV playing alt lit poetry Hentai. I worried about Steve Roggenbuck. What would happen when the TV broadcast ended? Steve wasn’t part of their cult yet. Would they sacrifice poor Steve to their alt lit god? Blake Butler appeared to be perfectly sane. Everyone else suffered from some deep, heavy insanity. I wondered would Steve survive in such a strange environment. It was so strange I half-expected a Tim and Eric skit to begin. 

                Danny Bailey was introduced by the sunglasses clad man as a ‘commie casserole’. I am glad casseroles have specific political beliefs. Casseroles have transformed into alternative writers living in the Atlanta environs. He seemed pretty chill, hanging out next to a broken static spewing TV. 

                Michael Hessel-Mial is amazing. His reading was amazing. People listening to his reading were quite happy. There was passion, energy, an attempt at alt lit flirting, and all kinds of great wonderful things. Somehow his beard added to his reading abilities. ‘Ride my dick like I’m a worthless machine’ is one of the better lines he had. According to Dave Shaw ‘MHM effing killed it’. One of his poems dealt exclusively with the concept of ‘nutting’. Once it ended we heard rare ‘hash tag’ freestyle with Blake Butler and Steve Roggenbuck.

                Heather Buzzard came up after an excellent performance by Grace Bellury, a local musician who rocked the room. For her reading she handed out cookies. Some people asked what her accent was. Some thought it was English. I personally think her accent was ‘Weird’. I liked the way she spoke. Right before I am killed in a deeply weird, oddly humorous way involving an Albanian diplomat, a jar of pickles, and a Pharmaceutical salesman with nothing to lose, I will hear her voice comfort me. Her reading felt very theatrical. And her outfit of a barn was perfect. Heather Buzzard is Dr. Seuss on acid. 

                Next up came some acid-influenced band that played distortion pedals. I got the distinct feeling that Steve Roggenbuck finally got out-weirded at a reading, for perhaps the first time in his entire internet based life. 

                Blake Butler came up. His reading scared me. Sometimes I forget why I’m afraid of Blake Butler. I figure it has to do with his sheer volume. The room was silent as his volume overtook the entire room. People remained silent for Mr. Butler. Ceilings shook. Apparently he’s had dinner with Ted Bundy 17 times. As a person he seems totally normal. When he reads he gives children nightmares. I love Blake Butler and am simultaneously terrified by him. 

                Blake Butler ate Skype and ruined an alt lit evening. Wish I didn’t have to type that. Wish the ustream worked after Blake Butler dry-humped it. Wish Blake Butler didn’t verbally ejaculate all over the unsuspecting audience. But yeah, that happened. Are we better or worse off for it? The world will never know. 

                Steve Roggenbuck read last, without the internet cheering him. I hope Steve Roggenbuck did a good job. I hope Steve Roggenbuck didn’t get eaten by a raging, cannibalistic Blake Butler. We waited a long time. If Steve Roggenbuck got devoured by a rampaging Blake Butler he’s in an alter place, where the flarfs have no name. RIP Ustream, we’ll miss you until the next one in three days.