NAP 2.5

                Don’t sleep on it. NAP 2.5 is here. I like how Chad comes out with these on a fairly regular basis. Like usual, there’s a good amount of new writers I see here. Now I realize why he names it NAP: it represents a longing for sleep. Because otherwise I don’t see how he gets anything approximating sleep. 

                Shane Jess Christmass begins the collection off with pure madness. How do I begin with this? It moves quicker than I do. Everything happens at once. Whoever Samantha is scares me. She sounds terrible. I feel for the protagonist in this story/poem. The only thing they ever do is travel. And traveling only brings them more trouble. Perhaps knowledge of the rest of the world makes them dangerous. I adore this piece. Read it a few times it is pure uncut crazy fun with plenty of gore. 

                Tobi Cogswell writes about love and death. It is far simpler than the last epic piece. After all that madness it is good to sort of relax. ‘Sidebar’ is the way to start. That’s how it works with internet advertisements. I can’t see it working any differently offline. Her poem ‘Statistics’ takes apart human habits and breaks them down into numbers, like demographers. 

                Dana Green is a mean machine. Or is she? Her neighborhood consists of exploding bombs and sheep painters. She must live in the suburbs. Explosions and sheep paint are an important way of life in the suburbs. When you move to the big city you forget about the simple pleasures of sheep painting. Poor sheep at the end though, I really do feel for them. I want to learn how to smoke herrings. Flooding isn’t a thing. If anything land seems to be a bigger intrusion. Look at all that water controls. Land simply prevents it from taking over our entire planet. Someday we’ll all live under water. 

                Joshua Kleinberg is one of those cool Chicago alt lit bros I need to meet. He doesn’t want to do anything. Netflix is made for doing nothing. When we pinpoint the precise moment humanity realized it could do nothing with its life, Netflix I’m certain will be there. I like petting too, but nothing heavy. I want some light wholesome petting, the kind God wants. Not surprised to learn Joshua used to be religious. I used to be religious too before I discovered the internet. Sorry to hear about Joshua’s manic-depressive dick. All dicks are manic-depressive going from attention to flaccidity so easily. 

                Andrea Kneeland says my achievements do not matter. I knew school was a mistake. Drat I should spend more time blogging I reckon. Her use of ‘thick and heavy’ gives the poem a circular feel to it. Wish I spoke Latin so I could figure out what the last words meant. Hair is ablaze. That means there’s a redhead somewhere. 

                Amanda Laughtland is extraordinarily nice. Glad I can take apart photocopied books. Photocopied books are so wonderfully cheap. It has been a while since I photocopied anything (via the stolen PDF lifestyle). Her description of maps is ideal: know more than what you need to know. When I go camping I try to share. Camping for me is rare since I can’t camp at the beach. I also am afraid of bears. I camp out on people’s couches. 

                Sean Lynch tells me things I need to know. Nobody tells me anything. I learn by doing. Guess I’m not alone in this experience. Writing takes time. Sean’s talking about sex though. Sex I figured out pretty okay. I take it slow with sex. Don’t think I’ve ever had fucksweat. I tend to sweat whether or not I’m doing anything. That’s how I roll. I live in the cold. 

                M. James Martin knows fate is a porkchop. I wonder how vegans deal with fate. Guess vegans don’t have fate or maybe they have a ‘vegan porkchop’ to make them feel better. Not sure how porkchops work exactly. Yojimbo does not play around. A guy who speaks in hypertext scares the snot outta me. I think you can die to NPR if people die to ‘A Fish Called Wanda’. Aging is the new destruction. Pick a side. You’re either young or old. No ‘in between’ ages allowed. 

                Andrew Morris writes about poet-proofing. It is an impossible task. You can’t poet-proof anything. Everybody is a poet they just don’t know it. At least in this story the young lad wants to stamper away to the library. Riding a horse on a palatial estate can’t compete with writing words in a dimly lit dank building.

                Steve Subrizi writes about pregnancy. Pregnancy is no joke. Vans get pregnant. Money get pregnant, it’s called ‘investing’. You support new children with new children. That’s now Mormons do it anyway. A family is like an office where you delegate responsibilities to other children. The circle of life should have you in the center with children orbiting like planets. Goats are the haggardly, old crazy bastards of the animal kingdom. 

                Robert Vaughan thinks balloon pants are cool. I do too. But he doesn’t know a jacking thing about elephants. Little known fact: elephants are one of my favorite land creatures. They are smart, powerful, and loving creatures. Cherry pie is at the end of the day. When one eats cherry pie their memory is restored. 

                Russ Woods starts with a poem I’ve read before. I feel happy knowing I have read so much alt lit I’ve read too much alt lit. This is a good thing. He writes about a blog band. Blog bands are the best since I don’t have to go anywhere to see them. Thank you Bandcamp for changing my life! I wonder who this Sara person is. She sounds relevant. Wonder why she sleeps under airplanes. Why do roaches talk to Sara? And I always eat volcanoes to start my day.

                Pretty happy about NAP’s output lately. I am happy Chad scours the internet for the latest and greatest writers. This is an interesting collection and it seems there’s been a bit of a shift towards short stories.