Illuminati Power Hour 11

                Steve hosts a noise concert. You can hear the volume. The party from last night gets Steve boosted. Apparently an ‘anus flytrap’ ate up a party guest. Broken chairs are a party foul. Hope that guy is okay. Out of nowhere Steve talks about rice and the internet is done with Steve. Guess the internet hates rice for Steve is offline.

                There is a revamp of the Power Hour. Steve cares the audience. Everybody is a fan of Steve Roggenbuck. Apparently the internet got sick of Steve for a moment. Yet Steve made a pact with the internet: in exchange for making his dick a Wi-Fi hotspot. Is Steve Roggenbuck’s dick the new Starbucks? Are Steve’s cockboys now baristas? 

                Be yourself. Steve tells the chat about how to live one’s life. Online personas are who we are. Who can fake an online persona? Think Steve is the first ‘all internet’ persona. Someone told Steve he is not ‘real’ on the internet. Having met Steve in person I can say: that’s Steve. How he is on the internet is how he is IRL. Dig Steve and he boosts. IRL Steve is a chill bro perhaps the chillest of bros hence the laptop freezer lifestyle. 

                Who is a major alt lit player? I know. Prepare yourself for the Beachies 2012. This is going to be the beachiest of the beachies this year. Do you have what it take to have me make up random awards and give one to you? You might be one of many. Feel now that I know so many people I wish I could give everybody an award from my heart. However I have only an unlimited number of awards. Unlimited means my imagination may go into overdrive.

                Rare announcement comes to the chat. Steve wants everyone to support him for this event. Steve needs a level of boost never given before. The chat cannot believe their luck. Usually when Steve records a video he does it by himself. His videos are life-changing. Buttercup states “I’m excited” and Moon Temple says “This is amazing”. It is beautiful seeing artists on deck. Everyone in the chat watches Steve as he explains his terrible moment with a camera. One moment and everything changes. Steve admits he is a picky eater. By hiding the food in his bag it leaked onto the camera. Now his camera never closes. The lens reminds Steve to be honest. 

                A desire comes over Steve to ‘pull his pants down’ on the internet. Does Steve have a lucrative career as a ‘cam boy’? Jack Gooding thinks he does. The shirt shows off Steve’s dedication to the father lifestyle. Pink octopus sits there waiting for Steve. Now Steve asks the chat for the video. Jack Gooding’s suggestion to “GET REALLY CRAZY AND THEN GET TOPLESS” is taken very seriously. 

                Cut down the nonsense and get real stuff Steve says. Yes Steve looks to Hipster Runoff as a MEMEPLEX inspiration. Wonder what constitutes a MEMEPLEX? Am I a MEMEPLEX? Do you surrender yourself when you become a MEMEPLEX? Feel I exist outside of the internet so I cannot be a MEMEPLEX yet. 

                Love comes up. Steve is full of love. That’s what boost is. Boost is the intense version of love. Everybody needs to experience the power of boost. Man boost knows no bounds. I feel the boost through the internet every day. As Steve finishes talking about his ‘love’ he begins to drum on his legs. Remember Steve used to be a drummer so it is amazing. 

                This is perhaps the most tender anyone has seen Steve act. Steve gets so vulnerable. We see him bite his lip for he is in love with the chat. Buddhism comes up towards the end. Remember Steve is not simply the Johnny Appleseed of alt lit, he’s also a Buddhist. How it ends is perhaps the best ending one has ever seen for an Illuminati Power Hour. 

                Prepare yourself for a new definition of the ‘Power Hour’ for it is over two hours of epic quality. Cry for Steve and feel the joy he feels on the internet.